R E C I P E S >>

If there's one thing that the members of Quazar have in common (besides music), it's a love of food. Especially Colin. In this section, he'll share with you some of his favorite recipes from the archives of our mailing list. No, none of these recipes are bullshit. They're all tasty as hell and fairly easy to prepare.
>> The "Die, Heart! Die!" Burger

"Die Heart! Die!" Burgers (June 29th, 2004)
1lb fatty ground beef
1 white onion, chopped to shit
1 tbsp peppercorns
1 egg
10 crushed saltine crackers
6 strips cajun bacon
3 onion buns
1/2 stick butter
garlic powder
...and 1/4lb of muthafuckin Cotswald cheese

Preheat the oven to 400. So...I know I'm being all specific on the bacon and cheese, but it shouldn't be a problem. Want cajun bacon? Get it here: http://www.louiesfinermeats.com/page4.asp

Cotswald can be found at Lund's, Byerly's, Whole Foods, and even Rainbow (sold as Double Gloucester with Chives and Onions). So get it. Don't use any old cheddar. Use Cotswald.

Ok...so take your ground beef and mix in the crackers, egg, peppercorns, and onions. Make patties out of them (3). Grill. K, so now, butter the onion buns and add the garlic powder. Then throw that shit in the oven (top rack) for 1-2 minutes. Then add the Cotswald to the top bun and put back in the oven for 3-5 minutes (or until buns are lightly browned). While the buns are in the oven, fire up the range and make your bacon.

At about this time, you should notice that everything in the vicinity of the kitchen smells fucking awesome.

Keep an eye on the buns and bacon. When they are done, take them out to cool a bit. Check your patties and take them out. Then the part you've been waiting for...combine everything and eat. Eat. EAT!!! You won't mind dying after you scarf down one of these fucks.


Spicy Tuna Melt (April 13th, 2001)
4 slices bread
1 can tuna
cotswald cheese (aka Double Gloucester w/ chives and onions)
pepperocini OR hot giardinara (check italian section of grocery)
garlic spread powder

Set oven to broil. Spread butter and healthy amount of garlic spread on one side of each slice of bread. Broil slices of bread until butter melts. In a small bowl, mix can of tuna with about 1/4 to 1/3 the amount of pepperocini (or hot giardinara). Spread tuna mix on 2 slices of bread. Add medium thick slivers of cotswald to other 2 slices of bread. Broil until cotswald is melted and bubbling (but not burnt). Remove and put pieces of bread together for 2 munchie-killing sandwiches. Takes about 8 minutes.

Holy Shit Burger (May 9th, 2001)
1/2 - 2/3lb primo ground beef (fresh, fatty, and not from rainbow)
3 small slices cotswald cheese
1 burger bun (preferably sesame)
1 sandwich stacker dill pickle
coarse ground black pepper
garlic spread
some butter
Uncle Dougies Hot Barbecue sauce

set oven to broil. while oven heats up, grab your george foreman grill or something equivelent grilling apparatus and preheat. take beef and make patty while kneading in about 1 tsp of coarse black pepper. put patty in grill. grill until you think it's done (check with knife or something). while grilling patty, take bun and butter and add garlic spread to each half. broil for a minute or so until bun halves are brown. grab a plate. throw the burger on the buns and add the cheese and the pickle. liberally pour the barbecue sauce to the burger while eating it. yes, it does make a difference if it's Uncle Dougies or not (it can be found at Lund's, i don't know where else though). don't even try to tell me A1 is the best. Uncle Dougies beats A1 like a red-headed stepchild.

Ultimate Milkshake (June 12th, 2001)
Chocolate Cookie Dough Ice Cream
1/2 cup walnuts
1 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 tbsp malt mix (chocolate or vanilla works)

take a twins cup (or cup of similar size...about 32oz) and fill, but don't pack, with ice cream. then add milk until you are about 3/4" from the top of the cup. use a spoon and mix the ice cream and milk together until you have a bunch of little ice cream chunks in the milk. add walnuts and mix again. then add vanilla and malt mix, mix again and voila...pure joy.

"Ahhh...." (June 18th, 2001)
1 gallon of cold 2% milk
1 hour of exercise

take 1 hour of exercise, baste, turn 73 degrees, and stop. go to fridge, grab gallon of milk, uncap jug, and let milk run straight down your parched throat. then say in a refreshing way "Ahhh....".
serves 1.

I could inhale this stuff garlic rolls (July 10th, 2001)
package of 6 garlic rolls (like from rainbow's bakery)
generous amount of pesto
chopped garlic
1/4 cup melted butter
lots of mozzerella cheese

preheat oven to about 450. make sure oven rack is in the center. slice rolls in half lengthwise. arrange in cooking pan w/ aluminum foil beneath. use pastry brush to apply butter (in large amounts) to the top of the sliced rolls. next, use a spoon to add pesto to top of the sliced rolls. don't be stingy, make a layer of pesto on top that's about 1/4" thick. top with shredded mozzerella cheese and lotsa chopped garlic. throw it in the oven for a few minutes (ie: watch the cheese on top so that it's completely melted). remove from oven and eat immediately. word.

Wisconsin Farm Hippy Breakfast (July 17th, 2001)
2 cups cream
1 pint fresh raspberries

This recipe sounds simple but it's not what it seems. First, you have to get the cream from a bulk tank. go to a farm - in WISCONSIN - and see if you can skim a couple cups of fresh sweet cream off the top of the bulk tank. after that's done, find a raspberry farm somewhere, like in Barronette or Almena, and pick a whole flat of raspberries. why a whole flat when you only need a pint? because it's cheap and raspberries always seem to get hosed by the weather when you need 'em. so get them while you can. now for the easy part: grab a bowl (not that kind of bowl, Mr. KB) and add the 2 cups of cream. pour in raspberries. salivate. eat. you'll never want cheerios again.

i'm poor as fuck pasta (November 14th, 2001)
1/2 package of fetticine
1/2 a bulb of garlic
1 beef boullian cube (spelled wrong i think)
2 sprigs fresh rosemary
1/2 container of capers
3 tbsp extra virgin olive

now, i must preface this recipe by saying that all of the ingredients you need, except for the capers, are cheap as shit. $1.09 for the pasta, $.35 for the garlic, whatever one beef cube costs, and rosemary are all cheap. the capers, if you buy them from rainbow or iga or something, are not. they clock in at about $2.79 for an 8oz container, which is what i'm basing this recipe off of. do yourself a favor. go to bill's imported foods or some other place that imports european food and get the capers there. for the same price, you can get 3 times as many capers.

so, grab a pot, fill it with some water, and bring it to a boil. add your pasta...don't forget to stir. when the pasta is about 5 minutes from completion, grab a small saucepan, add the olive oil, and put it at medium low heat. chop your garlic, your beef cube, and your rosemary up very fine. strain a good amount of capers and put in a cup or something to add later. next, add your garlic, your rosemary, and the capers to the heated olive oil. stir continuously until garlic starts to darken (about 20-30 seconds). at that point, add the chopped up beef cube and stir some more so that the powder dissolves in the mixture and doesn't clump up (it has a tendancy to do that). after it's pretty much dissolved, your pasta should be ready. you can keep the sauce mixture on low heat until it is. after that, strain your pasta, pour your sauce on top, add a little milk (so the pasta doesn't stick together), and mix it all up with a couple of forks or something. then eat. it's totally killer and it makes your house/apartment smell awesome.

Broiled Sirloin Steak (CHEAP, really) (December 11th, 2001)
1/2-3/4 lb of top sirloin (packaged prime sirloin is only 5.99 a pound at Lund's right now)
and the following spices/seasonings: kosher salt, coarse ground black pepper, ground coriander, cayenne pepper, garlic powder, dill seed

set your oven to broil. if you have one of those below-the-oven broilers, you'll be better off. if your "broiler" is just the oven with the upper heating element on really hot, then move an oven rack to the rung just before the topmost one. grab your steak (hopefully thawed) and plop it on a buttered pan or something metal that can handle broiling and can be greased up so your meat doesn't stick. take a little more butter and rub it into the steak. doesn't have to be much butter either, just enough so the seasoning will stick to the meat better. next, make your seasoning. you can make it however you want BUT you might want to try the following first and then play with the mix from there. As a rule, you won't want very much salt. Oversalting is the best way to kill steak. Better (in my opinion) to have more pepper. So to make some mix, grab a tablespoon of the salt and about a tablespoon and a half of the pepper and mix together. add about a tsp of coriander, 1.5 tsp of cayenne, 2 tsp of garlic powder, and 2 tsp of dill seed. mix and apply to steak. DON'T PUT TOO MUCH MIX ON THE STEAK OR IT WILL DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH. have like a single layer of the mix on the meat and don't make it a thick layer either. just enough to cover the sides and top of the steak. you made enough mix for about (3) 3/4lb steaks. after applying the mix, put the steak in the broiler and...uh...broil. here's a guide for length of broiling that works for MY broiler (with the steak about 4" from the element):

12min: medium rare/rare
13min: medium rare
15min: medium
16min: medium well done
17min: well done and pointless to eat in my opinion. if you like well done steak, you're missing out.

Fuckin' damn good chicken (Tuesday, March 26, 2002)
boneless chicken breasts (like 2)
1 tbsp butter
2 tbsp lemon juice
2 tbsp dry white wine (optional)
jerk sauce (not the kind you're thinking of, the jamaican kind)
cracked black pepper
cayenne pepper

in a saucepan, combine butter, lemon juice, and dry white wine at medium heat. when the sauce is starting to steam, put your chicken breasts in (if they're frozen, it won't matter a whole lot). reduce heat slightly and cover saucepan so steam is trapped. open occasionally to flip chicken breasts until thawed (if frozen). once thawed, apply generous amounts of jerk sauce to both sides of chicken, put the chicken back in the pan, and re-cover the saucepan so the sauce can soak into the meat. you can check the chicken with a knife in about 7 minutes to see if it's cooked through. if so, remove the chicken and serve garnished with black pepper, cayenne, and whatevers left in the saucepan. killer shit.